To All the Men I Ever Loved

Hey there sorry for the gap but I am job-full now! Yeah, that should be the opposite of jobless right? Okay, so stupidity apart. I wanted to write something new and that was when I came up with a story and this time, I want to write like a boy.

Hi I am Suhas, I replied to her as I kept down my glass of chai and she just smiled at my inability to continue the conversation.

Her pretty face and the beautiful smile lit up the whole room, but my heart was elsewhere. I was sitting on the bed staring down at the floor tracing the long line of ants that were marching a foot away from me. A lot of things were going on in my head and the girl sitting beside me was on my mind too… I mean, it has been less than 8 hours since we got married and she was also the most beautiful girl I have ever see.

The moment I saw her, I imagined how beautiful our babies would be her completion, her eyes and her smile plus my nose and hair, I wanted it to be a girl. But again, I also knew that this was not what I wanted. Beauty matters but can that ever make up for my lack of emotional attachment? What about the emptiness I feel? With all these thoughts going on in my head, I drifted off into my childhood… only child, loving but strict family and nobody to really share my thoughts. Growing up, I got to experience how complicated the male emotions are… I mean women are born with the natural talent of handling everything and they are not afraid of sharing their emotions but boys… we are so damn fucked up and then there are the stupid notions like ladke rote nhi, ladke khaana nhi banate, ye ladkeki zimedari hai and what not? It is like we are constantly buried under a heap load of responsibilities and we are expected to deal with it without saying a word. But what about me having a life? What about the things I wanted to do for myself? Looking back into my childhood, I could find that the only true companion I ever had was my loneliness. Nothing really changed I was lonely then and I am lonely now but with time, I have developed this amazing talent of hiding things behind my smile and endless blabber. I let out my emotions to the meaningless beats of lyric less music and I spend time for someone to understand the cyclone within me without my making a noise…

I cut the monologue in my head and turned to the girl beside me to notice that she fell asleep.

SORRY, I whispered and turned to the other side of the bed and this time I was staring out of the window. The mountain outside was calling me. It was my rescue, my love… but I am also bound to my responsibility now.

PS: This is for all the men in my life and you know who you are and I know what you handle. Huge respect!

Disclaimer: There are so many other great men in my life but I don’t have their pictures right now so please don’t mind :P

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/7d5d61_f63d77b94f1847a995577d9a4e0ee9a4/1080p/mp4/file.mp4