Love of a Kind

I have been looking for the right topic for my next blog and that should explain my MIA for so long. While pondering on it, I came across these precious Google Keep docs. I have this habit of writing down some random thoughts and ideas on Keep. Most of these were written in the bathroom or at night when I used to lay down counting the glow-in-the-dark stars.

So I can across something that I wrote in 2016 when my grandmother (maternal) passed away. I have always been close to my grandparents (especially, my nanamma) she passed away when I was four but I still have the memory of her pressing my legs and playing sai ram-pichi ram. I have been missing grandparents for a few days now so I thought of posting it here again

Having grandparents​ is a privilege. They can be your teachers and best friends at the same time. They become child-like as their body gets old and that is the reason most kids find their besties in their grandmas and grandpas. Having them around is true privilege but we usually acknowledge it when it is too late. Doing their chores, helping them out with their personal things, acknowledging their constant need to have company, it might be a hurdle! But it is only when they are gone that we realise it.

I did that too... I lost my mother like nanamma, but was too young to know anything. A few years passed by and my tataya (paternal) passed away. We remember him every single day, he showed us how to fight death, he showed us how to handle loneliness and he was the one who blessed us with creativity. I still remember his leg pains and how he would hit them on the cotton mattress so he could find some relief. I still remember his proud face when he sat in our first car. One hand on the handle and one resting on the seat...

Necklace road lo necklance ekkada ra vari… (where is the necklace on the necklace road?) He asked and his innocence melted my heart. It was also my first time having an ice cream with him.

I wish we were with him that night…

Attending to him was boring back then, but now I wish he came back at least for a day so I could do everything for him.

And a few years ago, my ammama, an epitome of love and beauty passed away. She was one of the most beautiful ladies I have seen. The one who is responsible for all the wonderful cousins I have and the one who kept the Kanduri clan together for so long. Married at 13 and the proud mother of 11, she had seen 5 generations but her affection never got any less. She was pure love stuffed in skin and bones. Even on her death bed, she was worried about us and wished for some miracle to happen. I did spend good amount of time with her but that was never enough too…

Okka poota undama…, she would request.

Now that she is gone, I wish I had just one chance to be with her, but it's too late now. All she wanted was for me to stay with her just for a day. I couldn't, owing to some trivial reasons.

Final thoughts… having no grandparents at all is such a painful thing and I am realizing it now. Though I am relieved that they did not have to take the pain of our suffering, I miss out on the fact that I couldn’t get to make them proud like my Bavas did. I know I could have been a better writer if my tatayya was around… but that is just a wish now :(